Severe tiredness
Muscle weakness
An inability to turn my head at anything more than a snail’s pace
Dizziness when I did turn too fast
Double vision
20% loss of vision in right eye
Loss of peripheral vision in right eye
Balance issues due to eyesight
A range of physical symptoms related to sudden hormone changes
Anemia
Unexplained muscle contractions in places I’d never experienced before
Frustration and anger when comparing the current situation to ‘life before the injury.’
Fear
These are the main physical and emotional symptoms I dealt with after undergoing brain surgery in September 2020 for a benign tumour which decided the lining of my brain (known as the meninges) would make a good home. It chose a particularly difficult-to-access location near the pituitary gland, and the sickening horror I experienced when the surgeon explained he had to remove a large section of the skull around my forehead and dig around behind my right eye, is something I had never before experienced.
The surgical outcome was, comparatively speaking, wonderful. Given the possibilities of death, complete incapacitation (ie: vegetative state), and complete loss of vision in my right eye, just to name a few, what I am dealing with is minor. Although there are still days when it feels anything but minor, and I still deal with some of these symptoms to varying degrees, such days are getting fewer and farther between.
It’s a scary thing for anyone, let alone a yoga teacher, to experience sudden loss of balance, muscle wasting and weakness. After years of practice, training my body to become stronger and more flexible, the overnight loss of it all was disheartening.
Yet Yoga saved me. Both before and after surgery.
Before surgery, I was dealing with severe anxiety, in part fuelled by my lifelong fear of anything to do with the medical industry (ah, the irony!), and in part due to the extremely long wait for surgery thanks to the current state of the medical system. It took 19 months from diagnosis to surgery (ten months to get a surgical date set for a further four months down the track, which was then postponed a further five months due to that virus that shall not be named.) There’s more to the story, but that’s best left for another place and time.
The point is, through it all, the thing (besides my incredible husband) that kept me going were my yogic practices.
The physical postures (Asanas) served to reduce physical tension and give me something to focus my mind on besides the uncertainty and looming surgery.
The breathing practices (Pranayama) were amazing for dealing with panic attacks.
The concentration and meditation practices (Dharana and Dhyana) helped me to recognise where my thoughts were leading me astray by making up horror stories in my head about future possibilities, and I used various meditation and mindfulness techniques to help re-write those stories.
Attending local Bhakti Yoga sessions for mantra recitation/singing was also useful. I now continue with my own mantra recitation and singing at times to help lift me out of negative thought patterns.
It’s a constant practice. I still notice my mind wanting to head into horror story territory. Sometimes it escapes into the story for a while before I realise it, but the daily practices mean that those moments when it does escape are getting shorter. I notice it happening faster, and can decide to replace it with more constructive thoughts.
If you’re thinking any of the above practices sound too old-fashioned or ‘out there’, think again. It doesn’t have to just be mantras. Any form of uplifting music will do it for me, depending on time, place and mood.
It doesn’t have to just be the traditional meditation techniques as we learn in yoga training. My favourite for the past couple of years has been techniques taught by Dr Joe Dispenza because of the way he explains cause and effect as it relates to the body/mind connection, linking in modern neuroscience principles. He uses science to explain what the ancient yogis described in their experience.
It doesn’t have to just be the physical yoga postures. Walking and jogging (yay for being able to jog again!) help strengthen muscles and get the circulation system moving. Although, I do tend to combine them with yoga stretches to reduce muscle tightness, especially after jogging.
Yoga is a set of tools to help us navigate the ups and downs of life, through targeting body, mind and breath in a consistent manner.
I knew this before my health challenges surfaced, now the knowledge has been reinforced through an experience I could never forget.
I undertook the Love Your Brain Yoga training for Brain Injuries, first trialing a component of it as a participant, followed by teacher training, because I am excited to work with Leah at Bumblebee Yoga in offering support to anyone who is experiencing issues related to a brain injury, whether it be the result of a mild concussion or a serious trauma.